


Blame

by guardianinthesky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Thor: The Dark World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 06:59:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2379140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardianinthesky/pseuds/guardianinthesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a prompt: ghost/living person AU.</p>
<p>Not only is Thor suffering from nightmares, he is also being haunted by the ghost of his brother, who blames him for leaving his body behind in Svartalfheim.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blame

Thor wakes up with a jolt. It takes him a moment to remember where he is, to remember why this bed does not feel as familiar as it should. Slowly, he pushes himself up on his elbows, and digs his fingers into the all too soft pillow as he tries to calm his heavy breathing. 

Another nightmare. He is getting sick of them, but he knows there is nothing he can do about it. There is no stopping them. They have plagued him for months now, never letting him get enough sleep, and always leaving him with heavy bags under his eyes.

And yet, the nightmares are not the worst part.

There is a sudden sound coming from the other side of the room. It sounds like someone is dragging their feet against the floor. The hairs at the back of his neck stand up, and he knows he’s not alone. He closes his eyes and bends his head, moving down again to press his face against the pillow, hoping that it will look like he is still sleeping. Perhaps there is a chance he will be able to fool him? He doesn’t actually believe that, though. He knows it’s not that easy. 

After realizing that he may as well get it over with, he takes a deep breath and turns his head around, his eyes needing a moment to adjust to the darkness. And then he sees it, standing by the foot of his bed. . 

”Go away,” he tries, even though he knows it is futile. The ghost of his brother is still standing there, looking paler than he was when he was alive. There is a strange glow surrounding his body as well as his clothes, which are the same ones he wore as he died in his arms. There is also a dark stain on his stomach, to remind Thor of where his brother was stabbed. 

“You left me,” says the ghost. It has a low, almost hollow voice, and it makes Thor squirm uncomfortably, wishing there was some way to shut it out. “You left me there.”

“I had to,” he mumbles. It is the same thing he has tried to explain, over and over again, whenever his brother’s ghost has come for one of his nightly visits. He never wants to listen. He is just as stubborn in death as he was in life. Thor does not even know what he is. He could simply be a figment of his imagination, connected to the bad dreams he cannot seem to get rid of, and another way for his mind to torture itself.

It has to do with his guilt. He knows that, and yet he cannot get rid of it, no matter how hard he tries. During the day, he forces himself to be the person that everyone expects him to be. He smiles, and he laughs. He stays strong for the people around him. During the night, however, he has no reason to pretend anymore, and he supposes that his subconscious knows this.

Thor feels guilty for his mother’s death, and he feels guilty for his brother’s death. Both times, he could have been the one to prevent it. He knows this. If only he had been able to get to his mother sooner. If only he had been able to defeat Kurse without needing Loki to rescue him. Their deaths will forever be on his conscious, and he is still learning to live with this. 

It would seem, though, that his brother’s death has had a stronger effect on him, since it is not the ghost of his mother that is haunting him every night. 

“Loki, please.” He pushes himself up a bit, and gives the ghost a pleading look. “Please,” he says again, and Loki slowly reaches down and attempts to brush his fingers against his cheek. Thor can almost feel it. It is a soft caress, almost like a gust of wind against his skin, and he closes his eyes and lets out a choked sob.

“Why are you doing this?” he asks, and opens his eyes again just in time to see Loki smile, a sight he wishes he would have missed. 

“You did this to yourself, dear brother. If you had only taken my body back and given me a worthy funeral, I would not be here right now.”

“There was no time,” Thor attempts to explain. “I had to stop Malekith. You know this. We were fighting for the same cause.” 

“Is that what you think? If so, then you are more foolish than I thought. I wanted vengeance. That is the only reason I was there. That is what you offered me, remember?” Loki shakes his head and takes a step away from him. 

Thor cannot help but notice that he is beginning to sound a lot more like his brother, and a lot less like the figure that has spent the last couple of months blaming him for leaving his body behind. He cannot quite decide if this is a good thing or not. He has no desire to argue with a ghost. On the other hand, perhaps this means that he is making progress? If he can only convince himself that he did the right thing, there is a chance the ghost will finally leave him alone. 

“What should I have done?” he asks, sounding more confident as he watches his not-brother’s back. “Should I have dragged your body back with me? To Midgard?”

“You could have come back for me,” Loki says. This time, he is the one who sounds unsure of himself. His voice is quiet again, and he turns his head a bit to glance over at Thor.

“I did.”

“Do not lie to me, Thor. You forgot me. Once you had your precious mortal in your arms, you forgot all about me, and…”

“I did come back for you!” Thor says, pushing the blanket aside and sitting up on the bed. “I went back there to find your body, to bring you home, but your body was gone.” Loki slowly turns to look at him, and Thor takes this as a sign to continue. “I searched everywhere for you, but I could not find you. I am sorry.” He feels fresh tears welling up, and he shakes his head. “I am sorry.”

Loki continues to watch him. He says nothing, and Thor wonders if he has finally been able to do it. Perhaps the ghost will finally leave him alone, now that he knows the true story? There is something else he wants to try, though. Something that he has to say, something he has been holding back for far too long.

“I love you,” he says, but the ghost simply laughs at him. It is a cold sound that sends shivers down Thor’s spine, and his face falls when he realizes he may have ruined it. 

“Perhaps there was a point when I would have believed those words, Thor.” Loki shakes his head. “Not anymore. You have shown how you truly feel about me. If you truly loved me, you would not have left me. You would not have abandoned me.” He grits his teeth. “Stop lying to me.”

Without leaving himself any time to consider his own actions, Thor pushes himself up and steps away from the bed. He grabs Loki’s shoulders and does not even stop to think about the fact that he should not be able to touch a ghost before he throws him down on the bed, forcing him onto his back. 

“Don’t you dare,” he growls, shaking him a little. “Don’t you dare deny my feelings for you. You can hate me for everything else, but never think that I don’t love you.”   
Loki is visibly surprised, and he blinks up at him. He is about to open his mouth, but Thor will not allow his brother to spew any more lies. He quickly leans down and smashes their lips together, using his grip on Loki’s shoulders to hold him down. 

The kiss is everything he has remembered it to be. Loki’s tongue meets his own, and everything feels right again, and Thor allows himself to get lost in the moment. At the same time, there is a small part of him that knows that he should be confused by this. He should be wondering how he can feel his brother’s body underneath his own. He should be questioning why he can touch him, or smell him. He can even taste him, but not even that is enough to break him out of it. He needs his brother. He has mourned him for months, and if this is the only way he can have him, so be it. 

He does not get to have him for long, though. He pulls back when the need to breathe becomes too great, and he opens his eyes to look down at Loki. Even in the dark, he can tell that his cheeks are not quite as pale as they were a moment ago. In fact, they look deliciously flushed. His skin is no longer glowing, and those eyes are back to their normal emerald green. Thor slowly furrows his brow at him, and waits a moment longer before he speaks up. 

“Loki?”

His brother stares up at him, his eyes wide and his mouth set in a thin line. Thor is about to move one of his hands to his neck, when Loki disappears into thin air, and Thor sinks down on the empty bed, his hands grasping at air. He stares down at his pillow, confused, with a million questions running through his mind, and he is not sure which one to focus on. He got his wish. After several months of slow torture, the ghost has finally left him. 

It is not quite as satisfying as he had thought it was going to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
